1. You arrive at the yoga studio just a couple of minutes late but the class is very full. The teacher is speaking and everyone still has their eyes open. You:
a) enter full speed ahead, and without hesitation and at full volume, ask a couple of people to move their mats so you can squeeze in.
b) wait outside but are upset because the little talk in the beginning of class is your favorite part and it’s not fair.
c) understand that the teacher sees you and wait quietly at the back of the room, knowing that she will invite you in at the first logical pause, so as not to create a disturbance.
2. You arrive at the studio more than a couple of minutes late. This time everyone’s eyes are closed. The class is actively Om-ing, are just about to Om, or have just finished Om-ing. You:
a) same as before, slap your mat down and then proceed to go and select yourself an assortment of props, all the while jangling your car keys.
b) turn around and go home because you don’t want to be disrespectful but your day is totally ruined.
c) wait outside the room until centering is finished and then squeeze in as unobtrusively as possible.
3. You are an advanced student or teacher practicing in an Open Level class. The class is moving a little slowly for your taste. You have put your mat down dead center in the front row. You:
a) decide that now would be a good time to practice full scorpion, even though the rest of the class is in Warrior II. The rest of the class will either not notice or will understand that you are a very advanced practitioner.
b) have a busy schedule and, since this is your only opportunity to practice and the class is a bust, will make the best of a bad situation by performing the Primary Series of Ashtanga Vinysasa during the rest of class.
c) go with the program and make the best of it. You might get something out of it or you might just make a mental note that this isn’t the right class for you.
4. You are an advanced student or teacher practicing in an Open Level class. So far, the class is moving a little slowly for your taste. You have deliberately placed yourself unobtrusively in the back row. You:
a) roll up your mat and leave. You are far too advanced for this.
b) stay with the class but decide that it’s really time to start amping up your home practice.
c) without calling attention to yourself or disrupting the class, quietly move into the next stage of the pose.
5. You take your eyeglasses off. You leave them:
a) on the floor where the teacher will step on them as she moves around the room.
b) on your mat. Ditto above.
c) nearby on a block.
6. You leave your dirty, snotty tissue:
a) on the floor.
b) on the floor next to the potted plant.
c) you take it with you and put in the garbage when you go.
7. The teacher has announced headstand prep, headstand at the wall, or headstand in the middle of the room for yogis who aren’t a menace to themselves or anyone else. You have never done headstand before but you:
a) know that you are a quick study and figure if that woman next to you can do it, then you can probably do it too, and proceed to wildly kick up in the center of the room.
b) panic.
c) ask the teacher to help you with the prep.
8. You are a recent graduate of a teacher training. You notice that the person next to you is totally hyper-extending their elbows. You:
a) feel it would be wrong not to give her the benefit of your expertise and proceed to do so.
b) point out the offending hyper-extension to the teacher, who will appreciate that you are keeping an eye on things and helping her out.
c) keep your mouth shut but make a mental note to give her some pointers if she ever shows up in one of your classes.
9. You are an enthusiastic new yoga teacher, or an advanced student, in a class in which the teacher has just called for handstand at the wall, or handstand prep. You see a newer student struggling. You:
a) make a unilateral decision to spot him into handstand and get yourself kicked in the face.
b) feel obliged to give him some instruction on how to align his arm bones. You’re trying to help.
c) remain on your own mat and let the teacher handle it.
10. You are a regular in your class. You have been coming forever. You know everybody. You:
a) spend the entire class filling in your pals on the details of last night’s hot date.
b) spend the time before class starts sitting in silent meditation.
c) chat before and after class but remain quiet during class, so as not to disrupt class.
11. Your cell phone rings during class. You:
a) answer it.
b) are too embarrassed to admit it’s yours so you do nothing, even though it will continue to beep for the rest of class.
c) apologize and turn it off.
12. Someone else’s cell phone rings during class. You:
a) stone them to death.
b) shoot death glares, and express your disapproval by rolling your eyes and sighing heaving sighs.
c) remember that time it happened to you.
13. You are a man. Appropriate attire is:
a) Baggy gym shorts; nothing underneath.
b) No shirt; baggy gym shorts; nothing underneath.
c) T-shirt or tank and fitted shorts (underneath, at least.)
Yoga teacher Bernie Birney writes inspiring yoga writing here and you can read more about her here
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